Life is Fragile...

My hubby and I was at St. Michael's Hospital this very day last year. It was the darkest day in our life. We had to bid farewell to our unborn child. The whole process was a painful experience. I had to carry him for another two days. He was delivered on 2 November 2013. It was indeed a painful journey. Time sure flies. People say time heals all wound- but really there will always be a scar deep inside us to remind us about the painful experience. 

The whole experience makes me realised how fragile life is. Even poor innocent foetus life can be taken away just like that. It sadden me but it makes me a stronger person- appreciating life more. 

Both hubby and I admit that our life have changed drastically after the whole ordeal. On surface we may look the same but deep inside there a small cut that has yet to be healed. There will not be a cure to the pain we are both enduring- not even the best foods, holidays or anything luxury. To some this may be sign of depression but really we are not depressed people. 

There are days we questioned "why us?" Why us when the probability of hitting the jackpot is rare! Its funny how we can never win a lottery ticket (when we don't buy) but we can be a victim to an unborn child diagnosed with not one but two symptom to tetralogy of fallot (TOF)! Hurray!

Many told us its partly the doctors fault for not detecting it earlier but really does it even matter if they diagnosed it way earlier? Of course it would helped if Oxford lab did not negligently lost my report- and of course it would have been a great help if they can produce the promised genetic result before the termination but again... does it really matter???

In a way we are lucky we had an experienced sonographer who is sharp enough to detect there is a problem with his heart during our second date at GW Hospital. We are also thankful for the appointments with three professional experts from fetal medical unit at St. Michael Hospital. Things would have been a lot worst for the both of us if he is born today. Life is cruel but we have to accept that misfortune happens. 

I strongly believe things happened for a reason. I may view this as part of my bad kamma but Chief Reverend said otherwise. He said it would be worst if the child is born. The three of us will be enduring all the sufferings. The three of us are fortunate enough to be born in this technology era where critical diseases can be diagnosed even during the foetus stage. In a way he is right. At least he is now at better place.

Goodbye Liam. 

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